The start of something...

For months now- I've been preparing to be where I am- right here, right now.  Currently, I'm sitting in a room of the children's home I'm going to be staying at for the next two months.

Basic logistics:
+Name of Children's Home: 명진들꽃사랑마을
+Number of Children: about 90
+City: Cheonho

 It was my first day here, and I have never felt so tired, sweaty, gross, dirty, overwhelmed, and anxious in my life.  I've never stepped so far out of my comfort zone- where I have to initiate the conversations with basically everyone (with my basic korean skills...), put my trust in complete strangers, and be alone without a team member that I personally know back from home (as intended).  It's a new feeling- being filled quickly but being poured out quickly, feeling like you know no one, but you DO know someONE (because I have two other volunteers that are going through the exact same experiences as me right now). It's only been about 12 hours since I've been here, but I've already felt as though I was going to have a meltdown- but 90% of the time- I was smiling because I only want to bring more joy upon the children.  Maybe it's because I'm a girl, but I'm having so many feelings right now. HA!

Two months feel so long- but too short to build solid and intimate relationships.

I can't list every detail of today- I didn't even remember to take pictures of the children.
But here's an encounter that gave me hope today.
The jr. high/high school girls intimidate me. I've never felt such a strong sense of fear of man in me until today. They gave me glares, barely said a word to me when the house manager introduced me to them, and they were in their own worlds- worlds that showed no interest WHATSOEVER in me.  I can confidently say that I spent most of my day today thinking of what I should say to them- a conversation starter- ANYTHING. But the fear in me led me to think of nothing while the Spirit in me was yearning for SOMETHING. After meeting me once, they didn't say a word to me. I felt pathetic, overwhelmed, and discouraged and thought- "I'm never going to get to know these girls."

Yet, while I was walking up the stairs to my room, I saw two of them walk behind me.
Meeleul and....Meejin?dslfkjsdkf I forgot the other girl's name- BUT!
They said goodnight to me.
I felt so giddy inside. HAHA
They even asked me, "Are you staying in Room 301?"
I said Yes.
That was the end of our conversation. HAHAHAHA
I know what you guys are thinking- Classic Irene- so awkward and dumb for not being able to talk to them all day.
But I've been praying all day today- Lord, can You PLEASE make a way for me to say at least SOMETHING to them?
Hm. Not only did He answer that prayer- but He comforted me and gave me hope just through that 20 second conversation.

He is so faithful- so kind.

Fam, please continue to pray for:

+ me, Charlie (from Australia), and Jimmy (from Virginia)
They're basically my "team" for the next two months, and I just know we're going to be needing one another a lot. We barely know each other yet- so pray for a strong bond that will strive to encourage, build up, and love even more than we could ever imagine. We had short conversations here and there- and we get along pretty well!! :) they're awesome.

+the younger children in this home. they're energetic, beautiful, and so precious. They seek so much love, affection, and attention- which of course is understandable- but pray that they won't only seek it from the moms or the volunteers, but from the Lord Himself. pray that they'll know their worth as children of God- nothing less.

+the older children in this home. there are even college students in this home. they've grown up with scarred hearts- full of lies- feeling that they're not worthy, unlovable, not beautiful, the list goes on and on. pray for healing and restoration in their hearts.

+I've come to realize that I'm extremely shy. This characteristic does not mix well with the older kids in this home. hahahahaaha- please pray that I'll overcome my fear of man and just love. love love love and build build build strong relationships with these children. I already love them so much- I just need to show it!

Ahhhhhhhh. Jesus, I need You so much. Whom have I in heaven but You?
Thank You for all that You do.
To God be ALLLLLL the gloray,

Irene