Let's be honest with yourself, Irene.
This season has been tough, but you asked for it.
You asked to be refined and disciplined- whatever it took.
You asked if this is all worth it- if He's worth fighting for.
The past couple months have consisted of:
sleepless nights- then taking multiple naps a day,
weeping on the way to and from work- then getting myself together so that I can show others that I'm okay,
forcing myself to get on my knees to pray- even when I didn't know what to say,
having my frustrated, broken thoughts leak out of me,
and really battling against the lie that God isn't fully for me.
but the past couple months have also consisted of:
God presenting His promises to me directly from His Word,
Him speaking to me- clearly and tenderly,
submitting myself to spiritual discipline,
being comforted that He still calls me deeper into His intimacy (thinking I was content with what I already had. Ha!),
me getting vulnerable with my close sisters without reservation,
learning to accept realities in the physical realm of things- because of the "Who" behind it all,
learning to trust His heart- because He is so sufficient, even until now and forevermore,
and learning that truth will trump over every single lie.
There is a deeper level of gratitude springing up from inside of me because there are meaningful, yet simple revelations that are being solidified in my heart from this season.
Even when tears have been my food, I have learned
That my God is so for me; He knows what's best.
I have everything in Jesus; I lack nothing.
He loves me dearly- always fiercely pursuing after me.
so thank You, Jesus. Thank You for being so worthy- so faithful, so kind.
and if I ever stray away from the most compelling of loves, the firmest foundation, the greatest Father,
do whatever it takes to bring me back to You.
and it's probably going to take a lifetime- to know even just a glimpse of Your heart-
but until I see you face to face, I want to run joyfully(!) knowing that You're so worth it.
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