Healing.

Throughout the past years, I've come to realize and become a testament of how far God's love can go in one's life. And that every time I was put through the fire, He was there- refining me, guiding me, and comforting me.

And God doesn't just heal pain in general- but every aspect of your pain. 

When I am hurting inside- when I'm feeling uncomfortable- when my faith is really put to the test- Yes, He's always been there. 

And most of the time, I've come to realize that God brings up different pains to light- He shows me my weaknesses- so that His strength can be made stronger. 

For so long, I thought that my life was something to be ashamed of. There was only brokenness, and other people's lives seemed so much better. 

There was nothing beautiful about my life; I lived this statement out as if it were really true.  

I constantly compared myself and my life to others around me- telling myself lies- that no one would truly understand. that I deserved this. that others deserved more favor than me. the self-hate was endless- and I'd really try my best to come off as confident, put together, and the same as everybody else. 

and I realized that the more I lived life like this, the more it seemed that God would show me,

"Yeah, your life IS a mess. This and that DID happen."

He'd show me parts of my past that hurt me, that set off bad memories, and times when I'd condemn myself. 

It wasn't until the summer of 2012 that He finished the statement He kept showing me

"Yeah, your life IS a mess. This and that DID happen. 

But I redeemed it all, and don't you ever call your life a mess, because I'm in it. I make all things new and I make your life beautiful."

I couldn't help but to break down and get on my knees. My heart and mind was renewed- the shame and comparisons- it seemed like a distant memory that I never wanted to go back to. 

He delivered me and gave me truth that I cannot forget. 

Coming here to Korea- I prayed for more healing- wasn't really sure in what aspect- but I knew that He'd give it to me. 

As I entered the home, my heart started to hurt once again. And these orphans, they carried a spirit of abandonment, saw themselves unworthy of love, and I thought that my heart hurt for them- when in actuality, my heart was hurting with them. 

I grew up with my grandparents, and as thankful as I was for them, I grew up thinking that I wasn't worthy of a father's love. both worldly and heavenly. There were times here and there when I'd see that God was an amazing father, but

 never was it made clear to me that He adopted me as His own- and that He accepted me just they way I was. 

Living here and seeing these kids grow, I realized that

God knows what's best for His children. 

No longer am I going to live thinking that life may have been better living with a "normal" family because God provided for me something better. 

"Look how far you've come my dear." 

is what He's been speaking over me throughout my time here. 

And I can't help but to think,

"Yes Lord. Thank You for being such a faithful Father."

God is good, all the time.

All the time, God is good.