It seems so simple. such a given, but for the past few years, I've been yearning to grow deeper in the Lord, see breakthrough within my family, or for more healing from my past. and I've TRIED to pray harder, I've TRIED to do QTs longer, I've TRIED to do this, that, and all of the above and in the end- I did grow- but not the amount that I wanted to.
This striving seemed to really have manifested last week-as I TRIED so hard to get to know as many kids as I can, tried to teach the most fun class, tried this and that to stay focused- and in the end- I was just exhausted (causing me to nap any chance I can get which takes away time to get to build stronger relationships), discouraged, feeling inadequate, and thinking to myself "How am I going to do this for another month and a half?" I was really starting to worry, saying to myself "Lord, I guess I was never cut to do this."
Yet- you know it. God is forever faithful. and He gave me rest, encouragement, and revelation (through pastors and Jerusalem Ministry). Yes, I can have a yearning to grow in the Lord- see all these amazing things throughout my life- but it's only through His strength, mercy, and hand over me that allows me to experience Him to the fullest. It's a learning process- but this was something I really needed.
The past week seemed tougher than the first- I still couldn't stir up the courage to talk to the older girls, and because I was so tired- I would isolate myself whenever I found the time. I would see kids constantly discourage one another, babies getting sick, and the injustice that seems to run this place. These kids are so beautiful. I love them so much- and makes me sick to my stomach and extremely frustrated that the majority of their parents bring them here simply because they just didn't want to be held responsible for them. The lies of the enemy were ringing in my head, and at one point, I almost believed them. "Look at how mean that kid is- that's why s/he is here. Unlovable. These kids will never learn to love in a Godly way. These kids will never come to know Christ. You make no impact. These kids will forget you in no time once you leave."
I learned the importance of quality time with God- the Spirit can distinguish lies more easily when you know God is near. It's hard to explain my thoughts- but in the end- He never fails me. He sustains me. And His hand holds me. He is a faithful father- not only to me- but to these children. every single one of them.
Last week was hard- BUT! I believe that I'm making progress at my own God-given pace.
Every night, these boys come into Jimmy and Charlie's room, and we just watch TV or talk. Don't let this picture deceive you, the room is TINY. and there are 9-12 boys in that room everyday. HAHAHAA so hot...and stuffy...and sometimes they smell....It's amazing because Jimmy and Charlie never complain- in fact, it's an honor and blessing for them. The boys are so cute- so lovable- Jimmy and Charlie get it to easy! Boys swarm to them! HAHAHA
These four little girls... dah I love them so much. (Left-right: Moobie, Sungyeon, Miran, and Soojin.) This is the class I teach English to, and I love their enthusiasm when they're learning. I took them out to Baskin Robins because they did so well last night. hehehe I even had a chance to buy ice cream and small talk with 2 of the older girls- Soojung and Hanbyeol. They seemed so flattered when the teacher that never talks to them knew their names... HAHA
Please pray- specifically for Soojin- her words are extremely harsh. She comes off as such a cold, mean, and tough little girl. but ONCE in a while, I see her smile or love on Jaehoon (the disabled child) and I just know she has a soft inside... she has a tough exterior, but she's so sweet. please pray that her words may be words of life and that she opens up. Same with all the other girls in the home!
Geunyoung in English class :) She got a pig on her head. Please pray that she'll stay focused and try her hardest in everything- she is easily discouraged and extremely territorial. more encouragement and confidence in love!
hehe. my favorite baby. Hoyeon.
Please pray for Eunchong. He has a very weak immune system and has been getting sick for the past 2 weeks. Healing in the name of Jesus! I learned this week that he is in this home because his mother is disabled and incapable of taking care of him. Please pray a prayer over her also.
Keep me in your prayers!
Keep Jimmy and Charlie and the kids in your prayers!
There is Hope in the Lord.
Thank You Lord.
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